not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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