actually, I'm a sock model
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
