did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
