I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Four minutes until I can fart!
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i out mim tonsoeep
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
