So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
