I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
