i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
