Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
