terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
