fuck your aforementioned shoe
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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