so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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