As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
