I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
