but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
