Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
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