dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
