I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
