areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
