Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
