I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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