You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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