I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
