mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize