We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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