Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
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Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
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Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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