Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
