Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
