So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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