If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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