Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
