i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
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