Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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