Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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