Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
