well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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