Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
