OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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