I accidentally burped into my bong.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
