What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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