We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
