The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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