I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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