I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
