i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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