Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
