Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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