just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
