Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
