so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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