I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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