1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
