Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
