I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
