remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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