Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm gonna have a badass scar
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
