peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I queefed so loud it echoed.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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