So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
