Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
