my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
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i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
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