A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
