if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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