Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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