I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize