my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
