I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
