So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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