i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
