So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.