I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie