My sheets look like a crime scene.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.